My Beloved
by Aizawa Minami
Summary: Her thoughts are in vain, her efforts futile, her voice is nothing, no one can help her of this complexity she has, not even her mother, she left to where she has to deal with the feelings herself. Rated M for masturbation, yuri, and subject matter. Chloe/(Dark) Kirika


Hello there! It has been a long time since I have posted anything, neh? Well, this is story one I have written so far in the past three weeks, it is called, as what I would call it, "Writing Therapy" and "Character Perspective". Now, the reason why I chose Chloe as the main character is that I want to go behind the scenes from the series and how she would re-act to certain scenes that involves "Dark Kirika". I want to get to the bottom of why she is repressive or so forth, that she has this weird sexual desire for her... _ somewhat. This is the longest story I have ever written! 0_0  
Anyways, enough of my ranting, I hope you enjoy the story! ^_^

* * *

_Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in every way and [that your body] may keep well, even as [I know] your soul keeps well and prospers. 3 John 2_

* * *

Ever since I met that Kirika Yumura, she has become quite intriguing—she is somewhat… mysterious on my part, something about her excites me; her darkened brown eyes in a shade of an assassin's—cold and demeaning, her facial expression still with lack of emotion.

Her voice sounded amazingly calm in my presence, however, she sees me as a trespasser but never a threat. The way she moves and talks, makes me feel… strangely aroused, as if she is the key to my heart—a flame waiting to be ignited by many passions I have longed to have for ten long, antagonizing years…

When she disappeared from my life, I was to think she would be gone forever, just gone, gone, gone, never coming back, that when I asked Althena _where_ she is or _when _she is coming back. Althena just gave me a reassuring smile and said to me, "Don't worry my dear Chloe… she's just away for a task with the Daughter of Corsica—to see if she is truly fit to become Noir. It is essential for her to complete each task the Soldats I give her, and my dear Chloe… your day will come soon—_very _soon…"

At first, I felt hesitant when she said those words, I didn't _really _ want to believe her, or so, I didn't want to believe that Althena would do such a thing like that… it is not Althena to do this; whatever it was, somewhere inside me possibly _knew _that Althena's planning something that would go between Kirika and I. Yet, I am tempted, so I will have to let it slide, as Althena once told me, "Patience can reward those who can do so." Of course, I am going to _try_ to be patient—no matter what the cause is…

I know where Kirika's true form is; she may look as cruel and bitter but on the inside, she is considered as 'normal'. My dreams were reliving memories of Kirika's first assassination, the sound of her gun going off made me shiver with delight that the chilly, night air made my body dampened with cold sweat—enticing a part of me that became wet with arousal.

When I woke up, I ended up feeling very happy, so _happy_ that I was practically indulging myself in my own sheets; dozing off to see those precious memories again.

* * *

She has nowhere else to go—she is a sheep who lost its way in a dark cave, and Althena and I were the shepherds handling guidance to her poor soul.

However, along the way, I was no longer patient anymore; I grew tempted, frustrated because the process was painfully slow—Althena notices changes in my sweet, calming behavior. Her facial expression held grim dismay, her purple eyes bleakly shadowed, and her lips formed into sheer grimace, she looks at me sympathetically, pulling me into her usual embrace—warm and motherly.

Repeating the same words she had always said when I became impatient, "Your time will come, my dear Chloe…you must be patient." The words sounded shallow and repetitive—that it made me weak, controlled by her command yet I wanted to believe her by default. "I understand, Althena…" I whispered vaguely, pulling away from her embrace, only to see a kind smile to assure me everything's going to be alright, but I couldn't find myself to smile back and slipped into the shadows and head to my room—to dwell and indulge in my own thoughts so sick and twisted, where it lead me with guilt. All because _she_ that made me a killer and a menace to the outside world—but no—wait, that is not true… I went by choice to do it—she is merely an inspiration of _why_—that I wanted to be like her and to be Noir by her side.

The words I said to her yesterday and the thoughts I had, (I knew) they weren't out of 'sisterly' affections, they were romantic; ones full of lust that it sends chills down my spine, making a part of myself awakened beyond the depths of Hell-fire. I was hoping she would notice my implications, motives, and feelings for her, but she's not human, I knew that—she is not capable of having feelings like a normal human being should and it left me nothing but heartache.

I wish there was a part of her that would accept everything I had ever wished for—but it only left me on the verge of 'why?'

However, if she does not return my feelings in a way I hoped, just because she is inhumane I would not stop within a heartbeat; I would still try and do everything to please her—even if she never does.

* * *

I saw her with Althena tonight, from where I stood still nearby her bedroom window; I listened to what words they say, and when Althena finally departed from her room.

_This is my chance. _I thought, hoping that this doesn't go to waste—or whatever matters might possibly go wrong. As she began to fall asleep, I quickly vanished to my room before Althena knows I am gone. I opened the latch and climbed onto the window, hastily shedding my clothes and slipped into my nightwear. I heard the lock click, I stood stiff for a moment, my body already drenching with sweat, my cheeks rose, and my breathing hitched and shallowed.

The door creaked slightly, and out came Althena with her genuine smile—it was her way of saying goodnight to me properly. She laid the candlelight by my nightstand, hovering over to kiss my forehead, her slim, bony fingers reaching out to stroke my magenta hair, where her motherly voice spoke out, "Have sweet dreams, my precious, darling Chloe…" By then, she blew out the candle when she thought I was asleep and left the room.

The door was shut, I waited until her footsteps departed from the hallway—assuming myself that she had gone to her bedchambers or is writing a letter to the _soldats._ Either way, I eagerly peeled myself from my bed and headed to the room just a few doors away from mine.

I walked effortlessly into the darkness, my bare feet noised the wooden floor, I winced slightly—hoping that no-one would hear me or see me but no one is here but I cannot be sure of that—there is a person at every corner within a shadow.

The light illuminated the dark halls as I ventured to her door. At last, I am here. I am at her door, but my body hesitates to move—my shadow remained—frozen in oblivion, that is until I heard footsteps echoing in hallow darkness, I panicked, my hand fumbling around to feel the doorknob.

I opened the door and pushed my way through, falling down clumsily, my heart raced as if I am having the fear of being caught, tears seeped through my black eyes.

I brought myself up, panting slightly as I did so, wiping the tears that stung my eyes and walked over to close the door quietly, hearing the lock click, I sighed in immense relief, the heavy weight onto my shoulders is gone and I swerved to face that sleeping figure on her bed.

I was cautious of my movements, tiptoeing softly, only to see that that the sleeping figure looked beautiful, there is no doubt… her eyes were closed, the moonlight overshadowed her dark hair and face; it looked like she was glowing naturally without spectrums of light. I just stood mindlessly, the view of looking at her the way I wanted to makes me feel miserable; I have always thought confrontation was easy but I found out that it is not. It's very hard—but it's my own choice—I wanted to be with her forever—and to make that happened, I needed to see if she is willing to accept it… it's the only thing I ever wanted…

For a moment of persecution her in her sleep, I have had enough of it. I climbed into her bed leisurely, hearing the bedsprings squeak briefly, jolting when I felt her turn around to face me. And when I looked at her, she is still asleep, I flushed when her face was merely inches away from mine.

My hands crept to hold her slender frame, my fingers brushing her thick mop of hair, I pressed my body closer to her's—she feels _cold_, I don't understand… a human being mustn't feel like this… it's not normal—98.6 Fahrenheit is a normal human body temperature. I am not certain if the fact is true or not; all body temperatures are different. I shivered faintly when our bodies touched; her leg brushed against my ankles, her body is very drafty, so drafty that it stole my body's warmth.

"Ah… ah…" I moaned quietly, with my hand traveling down my lower section, my fingers touching my seeping sex through the cotton panties I wore, I jerked from the slightest touch I gave it; unaware that Kirika would wake up from movements and sounds I made.

I am probably careless about the situation, my body's sweltering now, along with Kirika's unconscious, chilling touch, she is unaware as well… suddenly, my own mind is mixing all sorts of extreme and bizarre thoughts—what I am thinking is… should I take her to my advantage? To rid of this irrational, repressed desire I had for her? No, by thinking of that, and doing so, it would be wrong… what would Althena think of me then? I knew better than to do this, I am not this pathetic and miserable… … right?

"AHN!" I cried out as my sexual frustration washes away at the brink of my hand, feeling wholly contented and satisfied, though I felt tears in my eyes once more—maybe I pleasured myself a little too much, maybe the fantasy I had is just a dream, or maybe… my fear of being declined and ignored.

I sighed deeply, sniffing my misery away with my fingers, wrapping my arms around her waist, resting my face on the crook of her neck. She still felt cold… but at least I am not alone right now, even when she _is _cold, I feel warm with her by my side, I huddled tightly against her—I am becoming needy, though, it may sounds a bit too much for you, but for me, it's all I ever need to feel consoled; casting away my worries and fears because of it, it's like a taste of my own paradise. Before I began to fall asleep, I looked at her one last time; the peaceful, handsome face I adored as a child, longing to kiss her… touch her, and to become one with her, yet I am a fool for it all… the happiness I am feeling will never last, because surely, _that _Daughter of Corsica will come and take her away from me.

But I can't… I don't want her to; I don't want her to leave me again… never ever ever… She is _mine! Mine, mine, MINE! _She's all mine… I don't want her to… I don't want her to… I don't—I don't…! I cried again, hot, angry tears escaped from my eyes, the feeling of being left alone like last time is too much to handle. I know I won't be alone, because I have Althena, but it's not the same thing; Althena is like a mother to me, she comforts me when I am sad or ill at ease, listens to whatever subject I like; I never hesitate to ask her for advice when I needed it. And as for that Kirika Yumura… she is much more than a person without emotion or soul… she is my friend; a companion whom I would cherish and love greatly throughout my whole life as I live.

I hesitated as I came close to kissing her; my lips were millimeters away from her's, yet I didn't want to stop from doing so, but maybe it's my body that's telling me to resist the urge, to wait until the time is necessary.

I pulled away in frustration, still huddling close to her chilled skin, but I never cared for it; I am just lucky enough to have her with me for the time being… _Just for a moment longer… then all will fit together…_ My eyelids drooped heavily and soon, I fell asleep…

* * *

I woke up the next morning, but by the time I did, I woke up alone, my hand reaching out to the empty spot on the right side of the large bed, sliding my fingers over to the sheets she lied on, I rolled over to that spot, grabbing her pillow and inhaling an amount of it.

I shuddered pleasurably, it feels _very _erotic to do so, my right hand dove head first in my panties once more, by God… why am I so desperate to do this? I withdrew my hand from my lower section, shedding my loose-fitting, oxford shirt and throwing it over the floor, alongside my panties.

I was fully nude, in the amidst of this room, I couldn't care less if I was being watched or _whom _could be watching me. I rolled over onto my back, closing my eyes, letting a fantasy venture my mind… my hands roamed freely—to what I found most congenial and satisfying, something that is capable in triggering the nervous system.

I bit my bottom lip uneasily, as my index and pollex fingers pinched my sensitive nipples; I let out a slight yelp, which soon came out to be a soft moan, I trembled violently when I tugged at it; twisting it carefully; groping it with my open palm. While my other hand massaged my neck, working on the muscles that were tensing during my performance. My body quivers, perhaps, I didn't noticed how sexually responsive it can get just by touching…

As I came further into pleasuring myself, all I could ever think of was that Kirika Yumura… how I wanted her to touch me, to feel her cold body press against mine, to touch her hair and to smell that sweet fragrance of blood and dirt she held during her assassinations. Did she enjoy her time of killing people? Does she have regrets? Did she feel sorrow or remorse? Does killing made her wish to die?

I sighed softly, feeling my legs go at an involantary tremor as I came to touch the wetness I craved for a while, my hand cupping it wholly; brushing a patch of pubic hair along the pad of my thumb. I nuzzled the pillow on my profile, giving it another inhale as I continued on my (hefty) ministrations.

_It smells like her…_

"Ahh…!" I choked out, clenching my teeth to strain it from escaping, either way, it was no use—I prolonged it, it formed into a sound I never made before; a sign that my own inevitable orgasm is reaching to its limit.

When it was over, I practically indulged myself in the cool sheets of her bed, breathing heavily as my lungs gave out. Each breath I took burned, it hurt, but I knew I went too far than necessary. "Hmm…" Came my sound of being contented, cuddling on the quilts tightly to sheild my body from getting cold, even though it is at the break of dawn, it still looked a little early to wake up; my guess is that it must be six—maybe earlier or later but I was too exhausted to care of what time of day is.

* * *

I stirred in my sleep, feeling the sunlight's rays beating upon my eyes, a sign that I should wake up now—a second time. I blinked them twice to fixate my sight, rubbing them with the back of my hand. I reared my head slowly to the right, encountering my usual clothes beside the nightstand—cloak and all. My expression degraded into sheer guilt, yes, it did occur to my mind that someone noticed my previous clothing lying on the floor, and my shoulders bare as an entail that I was nude underneath these sheets. Maybe the person doesn't care and just gave deliverance, possibly from Althena. I should get ready, I think she has waited long enough; obviously her patience is growing weary by now, if so, she will know of my disobedience and it will make her feel even more disappointed, I don't want her to be disappointed, then she would think I am not fit to be Noir.

I quickly shook the thought; just thinking about it is leaving me uncomfortable. I got out of bed quickly, putting on my clothes with haste, grabbing my nightwear and shoving them in the hamper.

I rushed over to the room where Althena usually resides, as I opened the door, I saw their faces were waiting for me—Kirika shot me a harsh glare, her expression tells me that she is more than impatient—she is infuriated. While Althena, on the other hand, smiled that tells me she is enthusiastic upon my arrival. "Now, that both of you are here," she said softly, "you will overcome the ritual of purification."

She stood from the chair she was sitting on, cupping either side of our faces, scanning them to see that we were beautiful in her eyes. "Let me look at you two one last time before you attend so,"

_One last time? _What does she mean by that? Why is she saying that as if one of us dies?

She held us tightly against her breast, so tight, that it left me feeling scared…

"Althena…" I whispered, my voice trembling as I spoke, there she focused her attention solely on me.

I lifted my head to face her, I found myself deeply saddened, and I am now seeking Althena for comfort, hoping that she doesn't mean what she said. "Yes, my Chloe?" she asked, her tone is much more softer than what her usual voice sounds like. "I… I am forever grateful to be raised by you… and to be taken under your wing. You are like a mother I can ever wish for…" Why am I saying this? Why am I saying it this way?

Althena still smiled, her slim hand stroking my purple-dyed hair. "My…" she sighed and that was all she ever said…

* * *

I stripped, shedding all of my clothing hastily, feeling eager at the moment, she and I… at last, it seems too good to be true! I smiled softly as I approached her, my hand reached out to touch her back but I hesitated… no, doing that would make her feel less of me, so I only reached for her hand instead. I held it, it felt cold, I wonder if her body can heat up just by the (sensual) sight of me. Both of us climbed the stairs and into the water. I was the first to break away from her, our hands no longer touch, and we went to bathe separately. When I _thought _she wasn't looking, I had my chance, my right hand caressing my left arm, as I closed my eyes, heaving a sigh of relief, the cold water stirred my loins with excitement, a sign that I don't need to touch myself in order to feel good—it is automatic simulating of relieving oneself.

I sensed her eyes lingering on my nude form, they searched for anything suspicious; extremely wrathful is what she is, what she used to be, should I be afraid or grateful? She is coming back to me… I can feel it…

I turned around to face her, her bangs hid her true expression, yet I _want _to see of how she feels about me, I want to see that she is tempted by my beauty and lustful desires, surely, hopefully, she can see them as well—she will feel the same as I… I stared at her, not knowing what to do, I tried to remember of what I dreamt or fantasized about earlier, but my mind was in a haze.

I bit my lower lip nervously, approaching her with caution, I held her with my hands, bringing her close to me, I closed my eyes, conveying my face to her own.

Hesitation rose once I kissed her, worrying if I come to sully the moment by rushing into intercourse quickly just by a kiss I conferred. However, she seems not to care about this, she is inhumane, a person with no soul or feelings—I should _be _at least grateful that she accepted it subconsciously without thought.

I pulled her away from me carefully, waiting for her reaction to come, sometimes, I am beginning to believe that I am doing this out of vanity, my thoughts and feelings are vain to her, I knew that she _never _cares for me, I am such a fool to consider that she will love me and stay with me forever, I don't understand _why _I believed it; but I did.

She opened her eyes, I noticed the change of color inside them, they were once brown, now, they appear more like a flammable touch of light brown. Suddenly, my hopes went soaring to full elation, as she stared, I thought she was accommodating my feelings.

I pounced on her with much confidence I have left, my kiss turned out different than the previous one; this one is filled with hungered desire and lust, all of this repressive energy I held over the years are going to be worth my time and her's. I shivered, moaning with ecstasy whilst compelling my tongue over her lips with such need, my arms wrapped around her neck, holding her close to me as tight as I wished for it to be.

She stood rigid for one moment, confused of what I wanted, until I advanced in her open arms. "Please," I begged, whispering in her ear, my hand sliding over to touch her chest, it shook uncontrollably, I am anxious of her well-being; I do not know what am I supposed to do… I don't… I don't know… "make me feel whole again, just once—and I will ask nothing of you, I promise…"

She sighed, her body felt cold against my front, I didn't say anything else, I only flinched slightly as she broke the intimate embrace I formed. Her hands lightly grabbed my shoulders, I jolted at the touch—I do not know what she is going to do with me, so I prepared myself to be rejected.

"Nn…" I cringed as her lips came in contact with the base of my neck, feeling her hands straddling my hips to keep me from squirming, as if she knows what I am capable of and what I am not, knowing what feels good to me and what doesn't. Why does she know so much? Unless… unless… "Ah!" I yelped when her fingers pinched something sensitive, then to another. I looked down to see if what she is doing, and I was amazed of how _capable _she is when it comes to foreplay.

Her fingers teased my right nipple, while she tugged at the left with her mouth—prompting to nibble at it with her teeth, I gasped, gradually throwing my head backwards, my eyes rolled to the back of my head. It feels so good…

_Maybe __**she **__taught her that… _I growled softly at the thought of that Mireille, whom Kirika cherishes—but… Kirika says she doesn't want to see her again, maybe she is assuring me not to get angry, but I can't help myself to stop feeling jealous… I felt another touch, something trickling down my leg—something wet.

I felt her mop of messy, black hair on my lower section; her sharp nose smelling of what was on my inner thigh, nuzzling it affectionately, her hair moved; prickling my pubic crest, I jumped at her touch, grabbing a hold of her hair and gave it a sharp yank, trying to be careful not to literally pull it out.

I began to hyperventilate; my breaths grew faster and harder each time she caresses me—using both her mouth and fingers to simulate pleasure and the joy of intercourse; her tongue brushing upon my vulva, her fingers thrusting inside of my sex. The sounds I made were desperate, longing, and pleased. After one final forceful thrust of her fingers that reached far into my womb and the suckling of my nectar that drew from arousal, I whispered out her name… the name full of lies and the name Althena created…

_Kirika… _

As my intense orgasm slowly dies out, I was on my knees, with Kirika holding me for comfort, I was out of breath, yet I am still breathing heavily. I smiled, laughed in a nervous manner, and cried out tears of happiness, "I love you so much!" I cried, sniffing, laughing, whilst crying. Kirika soothes me by stroking my hair and my cheek, hovering over to face me, kissing my forehead tenderly. I never knew this side of her before; I looked up to her, she is smiling softly, like an angel watching over me, blissful of the happiness I received and the life I have.

_When there is darkness, there is light at the end of the tunnel. _

Maybe this dark side of Kirika is existence, it is her true form, alongside the one I never saw, the one she has with Mireille Bouquet, yet I am glad… I am glad she is able to show me this side of her for once, merging with the other half of herself. I closed my eyes; smiling back at her, my hand trembled while I stroked her chest, then to her soft, dark hair. I can touch her, I can feel her, I can smell her, and better yet… I am happy; I am such a fool for it all… I am glad this never went wrong.

Both of us stayed like this for a few, tender moments, while she cradled me and I was to say those five words over and over again, _"I love you so much… I love you so much… Don't leave me ever again, promise me, please… I love you too much…" _And her reply was wistfully said, _**"I won't leave you, I promise, I will stay as long you wish."**_

* * *

Where am I? What is this? I looked at the scenery in front of me; it was all white and nothing else—empty and hollow. I do not know what this is… where is Althena and Kirika? Is there anyone there? Anywhere?

"_Chloe… was my other half…"_

I know that voice… that voice… is that… Kirika…? The realization struck upon me, the white mist is now gone, and all that is left is the scenery in front of me. I can see them at their knees, and I… I was dead… in the hands of that Kirika Yumura… the one full of lies, but not the one Althena created, and most _certainly _not the one I was infatuated with… this isn't the real Kirika… I know her too well; she won't kill me, she loves me too much to do so… _**"If Hatred can save, then surely, Love can kill…" **_Althena's words rushed into my mind like a waterfall, another realization struck me, and there was another scenery at hand.

"_Althena! Althena!"_

There was Mistress Borne running towards the corridors and into Althena's candlelit office. _"Oh Mistress… Chloe… Chloe is… Oh Mistress…" _Her voice was unable to pronounced words; she was left nothing but grief upon my death. And as for Althena… she was surprised at first, but then… what did I see…? My black eyes grew small, a sudden rush of fear came at my side, Althena is… why is she…? She smiled, it wasn't happy nor was it sad, but it was out of malevolence—I never seen her like this. She never had shown me this side of her before; she never told me about this.

… Did she…? Was she deceiving me all these years? All of the things she said… her motherly and kind gestures, what she did to Kirika, how she planted the legend of the soldats in our heads, how she said how evil the world of men are. Is that… is that a lie too? Was my life based entirely on a foundation of lies? How… how could she?

I love Althena so much, as a mother I never had, yet it was a lie and betrayal. Soon, everything came to be white again. It is a blank slate, completely meaningless, it seems to fit me very well; I am no longer loved, no one ever loved me in the first place.

I am just a pawn for Althena's sick and twisted desires, and as for Kirika… the one she created, she never cares about me at all. I sank to my knees, burying my face in my palms. My lower lip trembled, tears prickled beneath my eyes, rolling down my cheeks as a result. Why am I so helpless and desperate for everything? Am I that pathetic?

Before I could cry any longer than I wanted to, a hand touched my shoulder. I was sitting down on the stone slab I died on. The color of that hand looked familiar in this white mist. Cold, rough fingers touched my throat—sliding to caress its mild temperature. As the other hand came to lift my chin, wanting me to glance its way. And that person is Kirika… but it wasn't the Kirika who lied to me… it was the Kirika I know throughout my whole life—the one without anything inside, though, I knew she must've felt lonely some other way.

She is sitting next to me, wearing those brown, monk-like robes she wore when she came back home, her hand stroking my cheek gently, that until she used both her hands to hold my pale, grieving face. I jolted, her hands felt cold, but her palms have a much more colder effect; stealing my warmth, it feels right, it's a sign that I don't deserve anything out of happiness or warmth—at all.

She stared at me frigidly, her dark-brown eyes gazing deep into my red-rimmed black ones, for what I do not know, what she is trying to accomplish or search just by staring at me.

"Just stop…" I whispered hoarsely, my body fragile and numb, unmoving, having no need to move or do anything to stop her. "You should have killed me when you had the chance in the ruins, why did you let me live? Why did you? Just… _why?_"

She did not move, all she ever did was to stare without emotion or any empathy, and I was to shake my head out of frustration, is she going to say anything?!

"… I do not know…" she replied, lowering her face to glance at the stone slab, then to me once more, her expression didn't change or lessened; she shook her head, declining my question. She lays me on the slab, where I lied on my back. Her hands were still intact with my face, she advanced onto me; her chilled lips crashing upon mine—stealing whatever I had left, my warmth vanished, everything condemned into a void of nothing—blank, empty. Everything is gone…

All I could see was nothing… nothing but white mist once more, my eyes were blank – as if I had gone blind; my vision became faint, the only thing I was to see was Kirika smiling at me.

I never saw her smile before, not in this tense; it wasn't the same one earlier, perhaps it was gesture of gratitude, but for what?

For some odd reason, I too, found myself to be smiling in her presence, long tears eluded from my eyes, as I felt the true Kirika lower down to hold me in her arms, accepting what was there, I inhaled her fragrance that smelt beautiful—earthy. She lied there beside me; her head on my shoulder, resting peacefully, a facial expression I witnessed the previous night before.

My fingers stroked her long, thick strands of black hair until they arrive at the nape of her neck. She huddled closer, and I did nothing but to feel exhausted… at least… I am happy…

_As Kirika lays the fork, I held as my precious treasure beside my corpse, I smiled softly… at least, with either side of Kirika—I am loved…_


End file.
